she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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