it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
