Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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