I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am midnight drunk by noon
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
