I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's rum buckets o'clock
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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