I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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