Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
