That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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