I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
