Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
