No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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