i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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