You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
