I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
