So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
