I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
