I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
