Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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