Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
