If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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