She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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