we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
