You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
