Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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