sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
