i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
