Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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