C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
