Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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