just tell him i said nine months
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
