Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
