so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
