I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
