please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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