hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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