Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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