Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
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Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.