This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.