I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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