Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
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Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough