I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
