marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.