you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.