but the lizard people decide everything anyway
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!