Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
