I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
