Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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