so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
