I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
