Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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