it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
