I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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