Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
