You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
