you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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