Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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