he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
