I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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