the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
