May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
