Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
