I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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