I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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