that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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