PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
