He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
