I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
