I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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